Hello, there, traveler! Haven’t seen you in Kyovashad before! We’ve got everything you could need! Want armor? I know just the place. Looking to buy some weapons? Down that street! Want a horse to ride so your quest will go easier? Fuck you. You don’t get a horse yet, you piece of shit. Why would we give you a horse? Give me one reason. Go pound pavement with the feet that Inarius gave you.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at the situation. We’ve all been on edge here ever since Kyovashad got surrounded by bandits, demons, goatmen, living trees, red ghosts, green ghosts, and even bigger goatmen. Not to mention the fact that our economy is currently a one-way street in which people only come here to sell things. They never buy anything, but they do sell everything. Do you know how many chipped gems we have in storage now?
We’re just lucky we have the protection of the church and our clergy. Without their connection with Inarius, we would never be able to stave off the evil at our doors. And if they apparently have to burn half the population of our city at the stake to do it, I guess that’s just the cost of doing business. I’m sorry if some whiners think it’s “going too far” and “they’re burning innocent people” and “wanting a horse isn’t a sin”.
By the way, would you like some of those gems I mentioned? We really do have a lot. You could take some and we wouldn’t even notice. No? Fair enough!
But speaking of notice, I noticed you’re wearing a golden goat mask and chestplate with a skull on it while skeletons follow you around like a teenager in his first relationship. Might you be on a quest to save billions of people by defeating a demonic goddess of temptation? That’s so great! I think I speak for everyone when I say I really appreciate it. Thank you for your service. Despite our city having an entire military, you’re the ones who keep us safe. Anything you need, please let us know. Anything at all besides a horse, which we will not give you yet for reasons. But how about some gems? No? You’re sure? Fine. Won’t mention it again.
So, look. Ugh. I normally don’t do this, but are you busy right now? You are? You have to walk hundreds of miles across the world to follow Lilith? Wow, I bet a horse would sure help with that! Wish you could have one! Fortunately, it doesn’t sound like your day job is too taxing, so you probably have the time to do favors for people. And I just happen to need a favor!
It’s nothing big! Don’t worry! I know you’ve got a lot on your plate! It’s just that my daughter started reading this cursed book, and now she simultaneously speaks in two voices: one demonic and one that pleads for help. Sometimes the other voice pleads for death! Teenagers! So dramatic, am I right? Anyway, me and a priest tried to take the book away from her and my daughter projectile vomited an obsidian blade that slashed the priest’s throat. Which is probably for the best since the priest had mentioned burning my daughter at the stake for reading the book.
The good news is, we’ve got my daughter safe and secure in our basement. The bad news is our basement is a four-story-deep dungeon that’s filled with monsters and a guy who calls himself ‘The Butcher’. He’s usually not around, but if he shows up, he’ll kill you. So, watch out for that. You’ll know it’s him because he wears an apron to keep things sanitary.
Once you get to the bottom of the dungeon, you should find my daughter in a corner room tied to a chair. If you forgot to grab the Chalice of Forgiving Sorrow, you’ll need to go back up four floors, put it in your pocket with all the gems, and then come back down. Put the Chalice of Forgiving Sorrow next on her left side and the Blade of Seductive Suffering on her right side. Be sure to get that too. It’s somewhere in the basement. Just stumble around until you see it.
Hopefully, if things go well, my daughter will be cleared of the demon and you can walk her up and I say thanks. If things don’t go well, the devil inside of her will break her own arm and leg bones to escape from the ropes. As my daughter’s real voice weeps out her sins in hopes of receiving Inarius’ mercy, her possessed body will slash at you with shards of ulna. Obviously, I’m confident the former will happen and not the latter.
Regardless of what happens, I’ll find a way to make this sad for you. If she’s completely safe, she’s going to come to you in a couple weeks and tell you that now I’m the devil guy. If you have to kill her because her body has been torn asunder by a demon trying to break into the mortal world, I’m going to monologue for a while and make you feel like it’s your fault anything happened at all. Trust me, you’ll wish you didn’t even talk to me today.
So if you could drop everything you’re doing and get right on that, I’d really appreciate it. I can even pay you. How do gems sound? Still no? I could always get you a wooden box that drops a bunch of random materials when you open it. What about that? Wow. You’re a tough negotiator! Then how should I pay you? A horse? Absolutely not, you piece of garbage. What about some gems?