The FIFA community is still arguing about whether or not women have a place in Ultimate Team. I’m not entirely sure why the argument is ongoing, because EA Sports FC will introduce female players to Ultimate Team come next season whether you kick up a fuss or not. I hear people spouting a lot of reasons why they don’t want women in the game mode, but the current Shapeshifters promo proves almost all of them wrong.
The most common complaint I hear is that women will ruin the realism of Ultimate Team. The realism that sees Pele and Puskas line up alongside Harry Maguire. Even if the two former players were alive, in what world would they belong in the same team as Slabhead himself? Ultimate Team is a fantasy, it’s about picking your favourite players and running with them. What if King Kenny played with Mo Salah? What if Olivier Giroud was a better centre back than prime Maldini?
I’ll admit that last one is a stretch, but Giroud does have a centre back card now. It’s a part of the three-week Shapeshifters promo, which has seen Petr Čech become the best striker in the game and Vanja Milinković-Savić drop his gloves to take over his brother’s role dominating the midfield. Toni Kroos is a centre forward and Wilfried Zaha plays right back now. This is the most fun I’ve had in FIFA all season, realism be damned.
Despite the switched up, muddled up, messed up positions, Ultimate Team gameplay is unchanged. The best ways to score are either by dribbling to the byline and cutting it back across goal, or trivela-ing it from 30 yards, curling the ball over the goalie with the outside of Harry Maguire’s boot. Yeah, he’s got a Shapeshifter card too. That’s besides the point, though – what I’m saying is that FIFA gameplay is nothing like real football. There’s no double pivot, there are no phases of play, and a stifling possession-based system like Manchester City’s dominant style would never succeed. Just do the kick-off glitch and enjoy your red picks, this isn’t real football.
Then we get to the meta. The best players are those who are fast. Saeed Al-Owairan was one of the most sought-after players for most of FIFA 23’s lifespan, despite the fact that his legacy has nothing on Baggio or Beckham. But he’s faster than them, so would cost you twice as many coins. Thierry Henry has been given awful cards for years, so nobody other than the most die-hard Arsenal fans will use him. Realism in FIFA died a long time ago, and women aren’t going to change that.
I’ve seen complaints that female players will be ‘too meta’ due to the fact that the likes of Sam Kerr will have the perfect combination of pace, stature, and skill moves to dominate matches. If you’re worried that your special Rudiger card will get dribbled past by a woman, I cordially invite you to touch grass. He’s already outclassed by the most random special cards like PSG’s Vitinha or beaten in the air by Gigi Buffon who’s up from centre back to get his head on a corner.
The Shapeshifters promo isn’t perfect, and it actually highlights one of the downsides of adding women to Ultimate Team in EA Sports FC. The pack weight is pretty dire, meaning that the special cards are hard to find in your loot boxes. I can only imagine this getting worse when hundreds of women, only a handful of which are superstars, flood the ecosystem too, and EA will have to tread very carefully in order to keep packs feeling fair.
This promo has been a breath of fresh air for Ultimate Team. Kyle Walker finally has his goalie card, and while I’m gutted that James Milner’s End of an Era came a couple of weeks early (it would have fit his legacy perfectly if he could have played any position on the pitch, right?), I’m loving building a team of goalkeepers that can actually win matches. Shapeshifters isn't realistic, but it’s fun! That’s what I want from a video game, and FIFA is at its very best when it leans into its arcade nature – why do you think FIFA Street was so popular? Women are only going to add to the excitement for Ultimate Team managers, and I can’t wait. If you can’t deal with it, uninstall FIFA and buy Football Manager. But remember that requires some actual tactical nous, not just your wallet.